Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Frustrated
I'm writing this post well past my bedtime, but decided to quickly update my blog since it as been too long once again. At this point in my life, it seems I'm doing nothing but school work and more school work! I've been contemplating whether all the work I'm putting into my classes is actually worth it or not. Most of the time, I'm feeling it is not, and wonder if I should quit, and wholeheartedly be a mother and wife once again. I truly miss my normal duties, as my hubby has graciously stepped in and taken over what I cannot seem to keep up with these days! I've been VERY frustrated about this, as well as feeling very guilty! There are so many things that need to be accomplished, and none of it is getting done, except the basic needs. The basement is a catastrophic mess, the yard looks despicable, my "Fall" decorations are stacked away in the garage somewhere, and the list goes on ... I suppose I'm to accept this change in my life, and consider the task at hand, but it is difficult for me to do. I feel God has given me the enjoyment and contentment of just being a mom and housewife; so why should I continue with the education thing? Who knows? Maybe God has a special plan in the future for me somewhere, but right now I'd rather be cleaning, ironing, cooking, and whatever else life brings my way. So, when you think of it, please remember me in prayer. I'm a person that doesn't like to do anything, unless I can give it my very best ~ haphazard is not acceptable in my mind. So, essentially, it is either schoolwork all the time until the job is done to the best of my ability, or none at all. I know there are bad sides to this philosophy, but that is the way God has made me, and it seems nothing else works for me. I've just rambled on about my frustrations, and the things that are on my mind tonight, or I think I need to say, "this morning" which has become the "norm" for me these days. Sorry, this post is nothing spectacular, just an ordinary life striving to please my Master!
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Well, in my opinion (everyone has one, right?), anything that makes one absolutely miserable simply isn't worth it. But...if God is trying to do something different with us and our natural instincts are to resist breaking out of our comfort zones, then that would be another issue. I guess that means that it would be an intensely personal decision that is made through lots of prayer and introspection. If a woman is thoroughtly contented fulfilling God's will for her life in the home, then it seems crazy to spend a lot of time and money on more education, but on the other hand, we don't know what life is going to hand us and we should, as good stewards, be prepared for that (which often means being prepared to head into the workplace). It seems to me that God just asks us to do our best, not to kill ourselves trying to be perfect. He knows we aren't perfect anyway! If we have a zillion different responsibilities, and we feel they are all God-given, then we need to prioritize them and give them our best. During my days of school, work, and raising little kiddos, I realized that my school work would not get 100% of me. It was something that I wanted to do, so I had to give up my time (which often meant my sleep that I dearly loved), not make Greg and the kids suffer. Greg did have to increase his household responsibilities, in addition to working 50 hours a week, but that was a sacrifice of love that he made for me, one that I'll never forget.
ReplyDeleteIf it comes down to all school and no family, forget the school and take the family. Life is short...
I'll be praying for you as you make decisions!
Sorry...I had no clue that was so long!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to find the balance, isn't it? Doing your God given duties and the extras. Sure would be nice if we got a notice in the mail once a month telling us what to do and what not to do! Since that doesn't happen we will have to pray for each other that we can make the right decision based on the Lord's leading.
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